SELFHOOD on: Toxic masculinity
by Charn Williams
Fluidity is an important concept for young people in modern society as they reject tradition, becoming a way for them to take control of the way they are perceived, and in expressing themselves. Fluidity has also allowed important conversations to flourish and give people opportunities to ask questions we have always wanted the answers to – especially regarding gender binary: ‘Why do we have them?’ ‘Where did they come from?’ ‘Do they matter?’ ‘What do ‘masculinity’ and ‘femininity’ even mean?’
In today’s world, young people are rightfully calling out and rejecting these rigid expectations placed upon others because of the harm they cause – one namely being toxic masculinity. What is toxic masculinity, and why is it hurting men so much?
Toxic masculinity is defined by Oxford Languages as “a set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole.” These attitudes can be expressed through violence, suppressed emotions, extreme self-reliance, the devaluation of anything ‘feminine’ and, sadly, women’s bodies along with their opinions and sense of self.
SELFHOOD member, Kim, 24, talked about the impact this has even had on the way he and his brother communicate:
“It took me a really really long time to get my brother to actually say ‘I love you’ to me just simply because of the way he’s been raised – once you get rid of that toxic masculinity, you get to really be vulnerable and show that you actually care.”
As well as being harmful to the people around them, these ideas of what being a ‘real man’ are, hurt men themselves. A study conducted in February 2020 found that men who had more traditional ideas of masculinity were 2.4 times more likely to die by suicide.
So, what are young people currently doing to combat and end toxic masculinity? They’re challenging and questioning what it means to be ‘masculine’, making effort to become more emotionally vulnerable than their fathers, applying fluidity to the clothes they wear to express themselves, and rejecting the rigidity and limiting traditionality of gender binaries – preferring to view it as a spectrum with both feminine and masculine elements, with 1/3 of Gen Z identifying as non-binary themselves.
We’re even seeing brands and popular culture adapt and cater to this generation and their way of thinking, changing to become more authentically inclusive while shifting the traditional way of masculinity, with a rise in personal grooming products such as concealers being marketed to men, and the success of male identifying beauty influencers.
While this is encouraging, there is still plenty of work to do – peers and parents are among sources of pressure for those trying to maintain an image that aligns with expectations of being a ‘man’ – to the detriment of themselves and those around them.
In the meantime, what can we do to support the downfall of toxic and outdated ideas of masculinity?
By being aware of the way we interact with young boys who may be around us, letting them know that it’s okay to cry and wear colours and clothes not necessarily deemed as “masculine”. By minding our language and the language used by others that help perpetuate these negative expectations. By respecting and acknowledging that “masculinity” has no fixed look or definition. By making it clear that it is okay to express vulnerability without judgement, and finally by men holding other men accountable and setting a positive example to young boys.
Boys do cry… and that’s okay.